Regret for things not done

Lately you did not feel like getting up out of bed and once you got up you did not feel like doing anything at all. You sat around, playing music and trying to escape the nagging feeling of terror regarding the things you should have been doing but did not do. Sometimes you thought of doing them but your heart sank, maybe it was fear of failure, maybe it was the knowledge that it doesn’t matter anyway. It’s not like anyone will care if you fail to bathe today, or don’t practice your Suomi cases, or write to a friend who has been waiting too long to hear from you already and has probably given up all hope of correspondance.

Still how you wish you had done those things yesterday and the day before, how you wish the cases were as natural to you as your native tongue, how you wish you had taken better care of your body and kept in touch with those old friends who you suspect must feel great animosity toward you on account of your neglect for them.

Today of course it is probably too late, anything to avoid thinking too hard about it, or feeling too much about it, but yesterday, ah how you should have done yesterday differently.


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