The sky is blue, birds flit in and out of the invasive species growing in the wasteland next to the concrete “garden”. Weeds and mud, more vivid and lifelike than your yard. Life prevails, life expands, life conquers.
You never conquer. You will never conquer.
You stare at the next door wall, waiting for a spark of inspiration, a reason to exist, a reason to take that next breath, to eat that next meal. Something to animate the corpse in which you live out your allotted days.
Tomorrow is as today, today is as yesterday. Progress is just stepping further along the beige conveyer belt that leads to the final end. Was this a journey worth having? Is today worth your carbon footprint?
If you were not loved you would be able to yield to the living, but too weak to force upon your friends a sacrifice, you must accept tomorrow and all the responsibility that comes with it. Though you see no way to be deserving of life, you have no right to die.
All empires fall. So far this has always proven to be true. All men die. This has too.
What of Christ? What of the Blood of the Lamb? Of the Resurrection? – hope unanswerable, ridiculous absurdities.
Lev Shestov tells us to believe because it is absurd, of course he was not the first to say so. You wonder how Tertullian would have felt about the decline of Rome. If only Louis Theroux could go back in time and interview those early cultists, humanise them for us, let us understand the mindset that birthed 1800 years of faith.
With the entropy death of the universe weighing down on us, will we have the passion to live as our forefathers? To pursue virtue, truth and justice? Can the end serve us as once the dream of a new beginning did?
“Where now for man?” sighs ennui.
But as you know, there is no such thing as “man” – men will go on, better men than you, they will overwhelm you with their vitality, swallow you whole.
They will pursue virtue, truth, justice – as you pursue warm meals and a bed.
You will survive, but they will give birth to worlds.